They aren’t what they used to be. When I was younger, I never really loved that my birthday was so close to Christmas, or that it was during the freezing Michigan month of January. I remember hoping that we’d be back in school after the Christmas break, so that I could celebrate with my friends and then hoping just the opposite as I envisioned being sung to by everyone and being the center of attention. I have fond memories of cherry chip cake with pink frosting on a crystal cake plate that my mother would make for me as a child. As a teen I started requesting banana cream pie and feeling very rebellious in my choice.
Tomorrow I will be 54 years old. This evening my husband has invited quite a few folks out to celebrate my day of birth and I am having the same anxiety as I always have. This is probably the only thing about my birthday that hasn’t changed. Being the center of attention is not really my cup of tea. I don’t mean to say that I don’t feel incredibly loved by people who are willing to make time for me. That is my love language. The flip side of this is that I also secretly (well, not secretly anymore!) dread having almost no one show up and the humiliation of that…
Now, the lovely part of being on this side of 50 is that as my January birthday approaches, I find that it is a great time to reflect on my life, where I’ve been and where I’m headed. I find that I am so much more at peace with myself than I was just a few years ago. I am blessed with a husband who sees me and encourages my growth and expression. We have journeyed through almost 30 years together. We’ve walked through grief, great joy and everything in-between and he’s still my favorite person to spend the day with. My daughter is one of my dearest friends and watching her stepping into who she was made to be is one of my greatest joys. Her younger brothers are also beginning to walk in their true identities and this mama’s heart is singing over them. This, coupled with the strong bond that they share with one another, is a dream come true for me.
I have friends who are willing to walk through the deep stuff alongside me and me with them. That is something I’ve always longed for and will not take for granted now that I’m blessed with it. Honorable women are the rare, good stuff and worth waiting for!
We live in Austin, so winter lasts approximately a month and isn’t nearly as bitter as the ones I experienced in the Mitten. Today is sunny with a high in the 60’s. Moving here has been a major game changer for this girl. I adore my city and the life I am living here!
I have several broken relationships that have been this way for several years. While I am sad about this, I am mostly at peace and confident that my Father will grow all of us through this time. I’m continuing to do the hard work on myself and that’s all I can do. In the meantime, I am well aware of the fact that we are not promised tomorrow, so I will live each day in that mindset. Knowing who I am with all of my wounds and faults, and embracing myself fully. Being confident of my character and my calling, I am as ready as ever to walk through the door to a new year of life.